There have been several big moments in
my life when I've watched the course of history unfold before me.
The Challenger explosion, the tearing down of the Berlin wall, the
horrific acts of terrorism on 9/11, the swearing in of the first
black President, just to name a few. Then there are the changes in my personal
history; the death of a loved one, the birth of another, changing of
jobs, packing up and starting over in a new city, and the like. Each
of these moments has brought forth their own emotion; sadness,
terror, happiness, grief, exhilaration, and anxiety. But I never
expected to have emotional response I did as history was unfolded
again before my eyes.
As long as I live, I believe I will
remember where I was this morning at 7:30 am, local time, when I
first heard of the Supreme Court's ruling that DOMA was
unconstitutional and that Prop8, here in California, did not have not
legal standing. There, sitting on my bed, my wife beside me, I broke
down into tears, an expression I did not expect, nor can I explain.
No matter where you fall on the
separate lines of this issue, everyone does have to agree that
today's ruling has a huge impact in the movement known as “Marriage
Equality,” but being a lesbian, I suppose you'd have to say that
it's a battle won on my “agenda.” Not true, for more than the
simple reason than to think that I, or any other LGBT member of
society has an agenda at all, but I digress. Am I happy about the
decision? Of course I am, but not for me, more so for the rest of
society that feels they need that definition.
When I fell in love with my wife, never
did it even occur to me that one day I would be forced to fight for
my right to marry her. When she proposed and I accepted, we simply
did what “normal” people do; I bought a dress, we rented a venue,
we looked for catering and cakes, discussed flower arrangements,
called a pastor, checked out DJ's, hired a photographer... you
know... normal stuff. It never occurred to either of us that we were
doing something wrong. We never stopped to think that we were in
some way “degrading” the value of “real” marriages around us.
Our wedding wasn't an agenda. It wasn't a public spectacle. We
weren't trying to change history. It was, quite simply, two people
in love, committing themselves before friends, family, and yes, even
my God (note the use of the term “Pastor” above. Yes, we had a
member of the clergy officiate our ceremony), to love, honor, and
support each other for the rest of our lives. OK sure, we were both
relatively intelligent (her more than me) adults, so yes, we did
understand that the whole “legality” of it all was, well... not
recognized by our city, our state, nor our country, or any other
country in the world at that time for that matter. But again I say,
it was never about that, nor, in my opinion, should it ever be. I
don't care if you're straight, gay, different races, or you want to
marry your doorknob. Marriage is to me a declaration of love, not a
contract. OK, so some of you differ in your opinion from me. That's
cool. Despite what some people say, I do believe that you're
completely 100% entitled to your opinion, even when it differs from
my own. In the heart of it all, it doesn't matter how the
government, church, or even YOU define my marriage, to my wife and I,
we are married.
So today's decision doesn't change that
for us. It does, however change things for the people out there that
do need validation, that do need to be seen as equal, for those out
there that seek permission of sorts to do what she and I did
naturally. And for them, most especially the future generations of
LGBT's who may grow up in a world where they're more accepted, both
she and I are very happy with today's ruling.
However, it changes nothing for us
personally. We're not rushing to our local courthouse to purchase a
marriage certificate, we're not rushing to the altar, flowers and
lace in hand, to make it “official.” She and I will continue to
do what we do everyday... love each other, work together to face
life's challenges, and support each other in everything that we do.
Will we, one day, take the leap and make it legal? Who knows. But,
for the first time in my lifetime I'm very happy to say, at least we
have the choice. Ain't history grand?
Beloved, let us love one another... (1
John 4:7),
Till next time,
XoXo,
Me
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