A Lesson in History

There have been several big moments in my life when I've watched the course of history unfold before me. The Challenger explosion, the tearing down of the Berlin wall, the horrific acts of terrorism on 9/11, the swearing in of the first black President, just to name a few. Then there are the changes in my personal history; the death of a loved one, the birth of another, changing of jobs, packing up and starting over in a new city, and the like. Each of these moments has brought forth their own emotion; sadness, terror, happiness, grief, exhilaration, and anxiety. But I never expected to have emotional response I did as history was unfolded again before my eyes.

As long as I live, I believe I will remember where I was this morning at 7:30 am, local time, when I first heard of the Supreme Court's ruling that DOMA was unconstitutional and that Prop8, here in California, did not have not legal standing. There, sitting on my bed, my wife beside me, I broke down into tears, an expression I did not expect, nor can I explain.

No matter where you fall on the separate lines of this issue, everyone does have to agree that today's ruling has a huge impact in the movement known as “Marriage Equality,” but being a lesbian, I suppose you'd have to say that it's a battle won on my “agenda.” Not true, for more than the simple reason than to think that I, or any other LGBT member of society has an agenda at all, but I digress. Am I happy about the decision? Of course I am, but not for me, more so for the rest of society that feels they need that definition.

When I fell in love with my wife, never did it even occur to me that one day I would be forced to fight for my right to marry her. When she proposed and I accepted, we simply did what “normal” people do; I bought a dress, we rented a venue, we looked for catering and cakes, discussed flower arrangements, called a pastor, checked out DJ's, hired a photographer... you know... normal stuff. It never occurred to either of us that we were doing something wrong. We never stopped to think that we were in some way “degrading” the value of “real” marriages around us. Our wedding wasn't an agenda. It wasn't a public spectacle. We weren't trying to change history. It was, quite simply, two people in love, committing themselves before friends, family, and yes, even my God (note the use of the term “Pastor” above. Yes, we had a member of the clergy officiate our ceremony), to love, honor, and support each other for the rest of our lives. OK sure, we were both relatively intelligent (her more than me) adults, so yes, we did understand that the whole “legality” of it all was, well... not recognized by our city, our state, nor our country, or any other country in the world at that time for that matter. But again I say, it was never about that, nor, in my opinion, should it ever be. I don't care if you're straight, gay, different races, or you want to marry your doorknob. Marriage is to me a declaration of love, not a contract. OK, so some of you differ in your opinion from me. That's cool. Despite what some people say, I do believe that you're completely 100% entitled to your opinion, even when it differs from my own. In the heart of it all, it doesn't matter how the government, church, or even YOU define my marriage, to my wife and I, we are married.

So today's decision doesn't change that for us. It does, however change things for the people out there that do need validation, that do need to be seen as equal, for those out there that seek permission of sorts to do what she and I did naturally. And for them, most especially the future generations of LGBT's who may grow up in a world where they're more accepted, both she and I are very happy with today's ruling.

However, it changes nothing for us personally. We're not rushing to our local courthouse to purchase a marriage certificate, we're not rushing to the altar, flowers and lace in hand, to make it “official.” She and I will continue to do what we do everyday... love each other, work together to face life's challenges, and support each other in everything that we do. Will we, one day, take the leap and make it legal? Who knows. But, for the first time in my lifetime I'm very happy to say, at least we have the choice. Ain't history grand?

Beloved, let us love one another... (1 John 4:7),

Till next time,

XoXo,

Me